Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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