i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
