I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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