tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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