hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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