dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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