She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
