i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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