omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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