considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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