so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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