i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
