He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
