I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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