Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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