Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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