Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
