I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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