dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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