We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am available for nakedness
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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