Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
