i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
