She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have fence marks all over my body
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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