I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
