I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
