If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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