Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
