My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
