alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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