like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize