Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
