Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
