I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
