You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
