I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
