New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
