I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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