i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
