She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
