so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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