Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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