I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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