If i come over, it means nothing
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
