Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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