Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
