peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
