i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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