you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
