I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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