i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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