Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
