i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
