What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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