I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
