she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
