My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
