i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We have started to decorate penises.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
