Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize