You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize