So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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