Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
