im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
