is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
