I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
