i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
