Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
