You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
