The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
