come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize