Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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