Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
babies were throwing up all over the place
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
