tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
