3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dicks are not precious.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
