i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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