I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
