why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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