Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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