Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
