We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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