wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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