...so i touched it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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