who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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