Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
