i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
