WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
