god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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