therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
