guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize