no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
