it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
