I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
