2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
