dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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