Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
