Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize