Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
